The book of Revelation. It is almost as well known as Genesis. It’s the strangest book in the bible. It’s actually the funnest to read. It’s more like an action flick than any of the other books of Christian-Islam text. Sure, there are some exhilarating tales about Joshua’s genocidal rampage in the Old Testament, but Revelation is pretty much a zombie flick, complete with insane monsters and rip offs of pagan deities. But few people who pick up a bible make it all the way through, so they might have missed out on a very important Shyamalanian-like plot twist in the sixth to last verse. Jesus Christ is the accuser, the thief, the deceiver, the little horn, the roaring lion… Jesus Christ is Satan.

Before you flip open your book of rolling papers (ahem, I mean the bible) to Revelation, first let’s get some context. Way back in the Old Testament we meet Satan (called Lucifer) for the first and final time. In Isaiah 14:12 Lucifer is described as follows: “How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!”

He’s referred to as the “son of the morning.” Why? I have no idea. Maybe it has to do with humankind’s awakening in the Garden of Eden. Taken literally, the “son of the morning” is the sun… or the “morning star.” Regardless of why Satan (Lucifer) is called this, it must be reiterated: This is the only time the “son of the morning” is mentioned in the bible…. until we get to Revelation.

In Revelation 22:16 we are hearing from Jesus. He says, “I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star.”

In other words, Jesus referred to himself in the same vernacular as Isaiah used in the Old Testament. Jesus, obviously being familiar with the very book he preached, called himself Satan’s nickname. It might not be a perfect reference, but there is very little wiggle room here. Jesus would never, ever reference himself in any way similar to king of the bottomless pit unless he meant it. It would be like if David Berkowitz, when asked if he was the Son of Sam, said “I’m Sam’s son.” It’s the same thing.

So there you have it. Jesus is Satan, Lucifer, the serpent of old. It’s either that, or the bible made a pretty huge mistake.